black!

i am rotten. i have no insides. it is all  black. i am not a good person. i can smash, i can scream. loud, not quietly when nobody hears.i hate it all. i don t want the spring to come. i want the cold air , so i have something to complain about, still not to be able to do anything about it. i find myself loving that.
i cant look up, i can t look down. i could  look but i prefer to keep my eyes closed and see how i don t have the joy. i see coal burning on my organs, and i enjoy it.i am mean , and i hurt people. and when i hurt them, in purpose , i like it.give me something to destroy, i'll do it!
there is no grey, so this must be me.
the only pleasant sound is the sound of crash. and smashed porcelain. there are no words, there is no music. the birds are making a distorted sick sound. people's voices makes me sick. i hate being polite. i remember all the bad words.
you can dislike me, but i am  just telling the truth.  i am sick and tired of trying. i am not good. i am not helpful, i am not caring. i know this moment. i had it before. i'll have it again.
all the green, and all the blue are gone now, right this moment. i bit my hand until i felt the bone. i hate myself for not being able to create more pain. so i can feel it. because i am numb, right now, i can see how  my eyes are cold and i know i am villain.